Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
