Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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