I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I will pee on everything he values.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
