I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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