Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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