Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
