No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
