they need to just BURY HIM!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
