i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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