About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
