I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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