what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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