Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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