how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
