You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
