I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
