I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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