you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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