i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
