Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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