Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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