idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
