I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Someone came in the potted fern
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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