in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
