oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
