I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
