My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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