those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
