Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
