it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
