do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
