But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
