Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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