someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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