can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
