My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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