fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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