I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
