Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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