sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
