you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
