Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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