forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
