So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
