Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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