thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
