Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
