I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
