I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
