dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
