Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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