Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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