Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
