My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
