Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
