i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
where are my eyebrows?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
