New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
