Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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