I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
