I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just puked most of my soul out..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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