you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone came in the potted fern
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
