just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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