The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
