Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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