ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
