i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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